Oh please. As if I need to tell you who I am. Don't know anything about me? You will soon enough.
Is it awful I’m actually trying to figure out the best plan of action right now? Because I am, Carlos. I am.
Charging my camera as we speak.
Type.
Whatever.
How many times have you moved in your life? What was your favorite place? Your least favorite?
Ugh, like… six times. Least favorite was Lima Heights, OH. Which was basically just a hole cleverly disguised as a building. Best move’s definitely shaping up to be NYC. And thank god for that.
Who is your closest friend? How did you meet them?
Emotionally?
Geographically?
You’re welcome.
Isn’t it? I love the T-Rex. Is it awful I kind of want to do this in the middle of a very serious meal?
I will pay you money to do this. And film it. And let me upload it to YouTube.
Not even joking.
I can’t stop laughing.
This is the funniest thing I’ve seen on the internet so far.
…Definitely wasn’t something I should have clicked on whilst there was liquid in my mouth. Holy sweet fucking hell, this is amazing.
My horse, John. I named him after the least Jewish sounding disciple. We were inseparable, until there was an altercation whilst I was perfecting my riding trot. Daddy had him taken away to the glue factory, said we should have called him Matthew, at least then they might have got a little more money out of him by connection alone.
Well that escalated… in the weirdest fucking way possible.
You know. Excluding bestiality. But hey.
We agree on something - & with absolutely no caveats! Bless Queen B for bringing people together.
Beyoncé: Brings people together. Spreads legs apart.
Apologies, I’m not really used to dealing with your kind. Unless it was in the form of nannies, or cleaning duties. I assumed you’d understand better if I punctuated the words simply, so you could refer to your ‘Inglés Para los Idiotas’ handbook. I’ll purchase you one if you haven’t already got one. All good Christians must help the lowly.
Oh cute. Someone knows how to look things up on Google Translate.
…And also needs surgery ASAP to get that cross out of her ass.
Careful, now. The horizontal part is going to hurt like a bitch on her period.
